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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
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Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
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Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
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You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
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Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies; they would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
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One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.
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God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
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If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
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Stress reducer; Put a bag on your head. Mark it "closed for remodeling." *Caution - leave air holes.
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I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
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There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
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The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
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Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
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The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
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Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
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Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
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Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
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Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
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You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
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I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
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I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my hose on fire.
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Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
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It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
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Age is important only if you're cheese.
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