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Women should not have children after 35. Really ... 35 children are enough.
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Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
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After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
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"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning."
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I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"
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If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?
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The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
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Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
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I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
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Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea ..."
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Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros.
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If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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I see your IQ test results were negative.
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Regular naps prevent old age ... especially if you take them while driving.
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The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.