Even More One Liners

 

 

• I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
  

• I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
  

• Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
  

• My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
  

• I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.
  

• This isn't clutter; these are my antiques!
  

• Discover wildlife! Have kids!
  

• Our policy is to always blame the computer.
  

• Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
  

• Take my advice. I'm not using it!
  

• Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.
  

• I love to give homemade gifts... umm, which one of the kids would you like?
  

• By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
  

• This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
  

• Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
  

• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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